Jumped in the Deep End

Two weeks ago I made a commitment to myself and it’s been a wild ride already. I wanted to get to know a different side of myself and understand why I do what I do, so I decided to stop shopping….if you knew me you’d understand what a big deal this is, I adore cute clothes and shoes…oh my, shoes are the best. All shopping is on hiatus except for giving and groceries (I decided eating and giving was still a good plan).

I have some debt not very much but still, I’d like to have none. More important is getting to know me better. I don’t feel like I have a great understanding of myself in relationship with money and I wanted to do something really different, so I did what I often do, I jumped in the deep end and decided it would be a good idea to swim here for an entire year, wow, that’s a really long time!

One of the things I am known for is just taking a leap and looking later, sometimes it turns out good and sometimes this turns out not so good….like the year I took a job as a pastor over a thousand miles away from home without doing really good homework, or the time when I lent a friend a good amount of money only to find out that she wasn’t really a friend…so there have been some times when the leap didn’t turn out so well, but I am hopeful this one will turn out okay. What I really mean is….I am hopeful all of my pants won’t rip right down the middle, I won’t gain too much weight or stain all of my shirts, which is one of my many wonderful talents, spilling food down the front of me seems to come naturally, and that the sock monster doesn’t steal too many of my socks…where, exactly, do those socks go anyway? If I am wearing mismatched socks you will know why.

I wanted to know why I buy the things I buy, what motivates me to make a purchase, what is really underneath the need to buy something new. I also am working on trying to be a better steward of the earth and shopping contributes to the big ugly garbage dump so why not stop and see what happens. I know that I spend money on clothes and shoes…oh, dear, I really love shoes, did I mention that? And I spend money on things for the home that I also don’t need….although one of my high values is beauty so this will be a test for me for sure.

The first few days were the hardest, I wondered if could do it. I doubted myself and my ability to complete this challenge, I had lots of doubts and what if’s. I wrote down my commitment, prayed about it and then told a friend so that I wouldn’t be tempted when my confidence was shaken and now I’m telling you…oh shoot, now it’s out there.

The awesome thing is that I’ve learned some things about myself even in “the doubting and wondering if I could do it” phase the first few days. I was worried about what people would think of this project and I then wondered where else in my life that wanting to please other people shows up…dang, we can make like so complicated.

I worried I would let myself, God and others down if I didn’t follow through and then I realized that I’ve let God and others down many times in my life and yet God still shows up, others sill love me and I will keep on doing my best even if I fail.

So here’s hoping I won’t completely fall on my face, but in the last few days, I’ve got a new joy and confidence in myself and an excitement for this new adventure with God. Wish me success and send me prayers. I will keep you posted on my progress! Thanks for joining me on the journey.